What Is the Push Pull Technique in a Relationship?
Employing the push and pull technique in any relationship is a pretty dangerous task. It requires the users in question to manipulate their present or intended partner psychologically. Basically, it’s a mind game that requires a lot of careful coordination and planning in order to attract the other person in question. This method can work with your partner, someone you just started dating, or your ex. The push pull technique is also known as the fishing technique. It denotes the use of psychological manipulation techniques to win the heart of the person you like, and more importantly, it works just like magnet.
Like the name suggests, the push pull technique works just like fishing. This person you are trying to get into your net is the catch, the fishing rod is the push pull technique being talked about here, and the bait is your unique carefully mapped out strategy of psychological manipulation. In most cases, the end factor of this push pull technique is that you direct and control how the course of relationship with this targeted lover will unfold. It’s more like a movie script that you write by yourself, you develop the plot and place the obstacles that the play’s action will unfold in.
Take for instance, the case of a guy talking to a girl in a heartfelt manner that may seem sudden. The normal reaction of the lady in question will be surprise and indifference as how to react. In such situation, she might distance herself from the guy from reasons best known to her. If the man in question is desperate, comes across the push pull technique and starts applying it, the outcomes will be at his own risk. On a rational level of thinking, manipulating a person into liking you is wrong in itself.
If two persons are in close contact with each other, there is always going to be the desire to feel connected and securely validated by both parties. This is a basic human desire that is engraved and crafted into our being in order to facilitate evolution and human survival. People are strongly dependent on one another for a lot of reasons, some of which cannot be stressed enough. This phenomenon dates back in the history and evolution of the human race, as a result the need has not change since, and neither will it change in time to come.
Love is undoubtedly complicated, the additional pressure of having to second guess your partner’s next line of action at any second is tiring enough. In the midst of all this, we all know that it is this unending back and forth movement which eventually causes havoc that could break a happy, loving and passionate relationship. Sometimes, that perfect connection fit for a fairy tale can quickly turn into a series of toxic drama and unpleasant outbursts as well as a lot of push and pull activities. We will be using the following format to describe how a push pull technique works in relationships using the man as the ‘pusher’ and the woman as the ‘puller’.
At the inception of a relationship with a push and pull foundation, you notice that there is always a impressive and consistent pursuit from the man’s angle. Usually, he has this relentless approach to get the girl that drives him crazy. The targeted lady wanes his charm with her sly back and forth games. Still and all, the insistent gentleman eventually wins her heart, just until she gives him his own dose. Some days, weeks or months after the new found relationship, the man could start to push away the Innocent and unsuspecting lady, who by this time would be wondering where all the affection, love and sweet nothings went to.
The woman may be feeling disturbed about the sudden change in behavior of her lover. Like a puller that she is, she will begin to pull him back to her side through several creative ideas. She might begin to make herself sexually appealing and desirable in a lot of ways. She could start feign being uninterested, this will make the pusher to sit up, because the thought of losing his prey will subconsciously make him cherish her more while remembering the good experiences they once had.
At the onset, the push and pull technique starts off slow. As it goes by and the relationship thrives, the push and pull method of attraction may become a regular practice in the intense and passionate relationship. If things are not that smooth between a couples, this technique could be a regular occurrence for the once happy couple at the least. It is a situation where you, one party is always on the run, while the other is chasing. Couples seen using this method usually go back and forth and come face to face with one another.
Nonetheless, both the pusher and puller know that the love they feel for each other is a clear indication that they are both meant to be. This is largely because, it is the love they feel in their alone time together that keep their relationship standing.
Usually, the pulling away happens at a time when the relationship is going smoothly, immediately after the first moment of deep connection. This could happen because the intimacy was probably getting a bit too much for the pusher which could make him start up a fight momentarily for no real reason, just to kick start the pull push game once again. In some cases, the pusher might even start seeing his ex-again, who may happen to be the previous puller before his present partner. He could resort to cheating for ephemeral relief. By this time, lying would have become his favorite notion, and he is only making issues worse.
In all this chaos, you’d find that the pusher is not available most of the time. For a lot of persons this is the most complicated aspect of his pushing game, because the puller may still be blinded by his unstable attitude. It could be hard for the woman to suspect any fishy business because her mind will remind her that everything was moving so smoothly like a fresh start again.
The average time duration for the survival of this kind of relationship is about 2 years and below, in some cases a little above. The puller would be very much aware of possible abandonment and that would be her fear. As a result, she will make conscious efforts to put up a defense wall against being toyed with. Her common weapon is usually denying the pusher intimacy. The fear of the pusher would be intimacy from his partner at this point, because this is where he could possibly face some rejection too.
In many cases, both the pusher and the puller don’t really want to leave the complicated relationship they both have, they are both holding on to the wonderful experiences they seldom have, and don’t want to wave farewell to everything anytime soon. The major problem with this relationship is that both parties hardly realize what is going on between them. If they could realize this problem, the chances are that they would work on the relationship together and heal quickly and heal old wounds by ironing out differences.
Funny enough, they are some couples that continue in this kind of relationship for even a lifetime, and they live on the love and connection they feel amidst the chases.
By using the push pull technique, you are only following the path of basic human instinct of desperately getting what we desire in whatever way possible. This desire is as a result of the fact that, bonding with another person released some sort of chemicals to the brain which makes the individuals in question long for more of each other’s presence. The brain strives to give you pleasure by avoiding everything that causes you pain, and if getting the love of your life to like you back is what would make you happy, then it’s possibly worth trying out. Other than that, exploitation in any other sense is not an option at all.
Before making use of this technique, there are a lot of things you might want to take note of. You have to give the best attraction experience to the person you are interested in like no one one else can. Only then will you win the game, because you should bear in mind that, you are not the only potential partner she may have come across. Along with this, make sure to tell that love of yours how important she is in your life and how you so desire that you both could remain friends for eternity.
When you do this consistently, you give this person a message of your unwavering loyalty, devotion, unconditional love and chaste friendship towards them. By now, you must have accomplished your aim of making this person very attracted to you. When this stage is completed, you are meant to be show a uninterested front by acting distant toward them. This would make the person crave your presence.
What is pushing?
By pushing, you are showing indifference towards your intended partner through the following actions:
- Placing a halt to contact, giving brief replies and when you eventually pick up the call, make intelligent excuses to hang up. Excuses like you have a work call, meeting or a friend just came over and needs to be attended to.
- Hanging out with opposite gender in places near her stop point to instigate preselection and jealousy.
- Postpone or cancel outings
- Act very disinterested in her life.
By now, your feelings for this person could seem vague in their eyes which will make them place more value in you, especially the quest to know what made you go from desperate lover to uninterested in a matter of seconds.
What does pulling mean?
In this context, it denotes your apologetic composure towards the person you showed indifference towards.
By now they would be craving for your attention and wondering what you’ve been up to lately, so you can apologize for your uninterested treatment towards them. To make the apology believable, you can come up with some excuse like, you’ve been stressed and had a lot going on, or maybe a loved one was sick. This would incur their pity and they’d be sympathetic towards you. You can now go back to being your old interested and friendly self. At this point, you can chip in during conversations how you value moments with them and appreciate their support, while making some plans to enjoy some time together.
Stay positive, stay supportive. This will make the person to develop some emotional feelings and bond with you. It is this kind of behavior that will make her slip into your life gradually. By this time, the victim of pushing want to do everything within her power to make sure you don’t avoid them again. To achieve this, they invest more time and energy into what you both share because they will have this feeling that they are responsible for your desire to pull away as well as the anxiety you feel.
They would think you are really nice for sticking around and being supportive of their life decisions. They would feel that you play a vital role in their life and who they have become, whether subconsciously or consciously. This would make them give you credit and appreciate you more for sharing your difficulties with them, therefore, they themselves start to open up secrets to you and give you tiny details if their life gradually.
This technique in itself is never advisable to use more than once or at the worst thrice, that’s if you don’t run out of luck. Its downsides are utterly numerous, first of all, it is deceitful, and you will be the one living with a devious past, not your unsuspecting partner. It requires you to overdramatize which could make you over-push the other person out of your life. When it goes wrong, there’s almost no redemption. So you might want to weigh your options if you seek to resort to this method.
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